please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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