my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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