just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
