do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
