I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize