So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
