hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
