i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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