I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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