well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
if only i could text you this smell
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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