if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize