GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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