Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
