Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
