So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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