Grow some girl-balls and come out already
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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