Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we're making bets on your personal life
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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