I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
