I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We have so much sex to catch up on
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
