We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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