I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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