Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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