my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
