She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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