well you can't waste a boner
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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