You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
