I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
