I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
