OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
