There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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