his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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