DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
