I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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