Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I party with great urgency now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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