its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
