Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
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Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize