i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
