Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
