If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
