so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
