So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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