is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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