Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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