i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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