I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize