I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
