Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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