he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
