i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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