Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
