I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im holly from the hills drunk
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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