i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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