hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
