I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize