Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
