Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
