11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
